#WEEKENDRECAP: MY WEEKEND IN #LIMERICK

SO THIS WEEKEND WAS THE PITS. As usual, my roommate Allison showed up Friday night, but Evan failed to appear. No one ran this by me first, of course, and I only figured out that he had gone to Michigan on Saturday when I overhead Allison talking to him on the phone. I AM TREATED LIKE LESS THAN A HUMAN around here, and I don't like it. But I'll show the roommates: Humans use the bathroom in designated areas; less-than-humans do not. #YOUKNOWWHATIMEAN?

Anyway, as you know, I was held hostage in our unfinished basement for quite a while last month. You may have noticed that I haven't blogged lately. That's because of my time in the SHU and the fact that MY ARTISTIC SENSES HAVE BEEN DULLED BY THE BLUE PILL SHOVED DOWN MY THROAT EACH MORNING. #HUGSNOTDRUGS #HIGHONLIFENOTDRUGS

Lucky for you, my time in the darkness helped me get back in touch with my creative side, so I've taken a few minutes to express my feelings and discuss my weekend using the ancient Irish art of Limerick. Sorry that there's a little bit of bad language in here. It's just me being true to myself. I used the typewriter font because true artists can't afford word processing.

ONE

There once was a poor kitten named Mabel.

Who wasn't allowed on the table.

She was fed crappy food,

and was treated QUITE RUDE,

Her life was hardly a fable.

TWO

I thought my best friend was Evan.

Living life with him was just like Heaven.

Till this weekend he left,

leaving me quite bereft,

Now my lives number just seven.

(GET IT BECAUSE I DIED TWO OF MY NINE DEATHS THIS WEEKEND WITHOUT HIM?)

THREE

My roommate Allie is a big bitch.

She won't scratch me when I itch.

She pills me each day,

And is totally #CRAY,

I hate her and think she's a witch.