#STAMPOFDISAPPROVAL: SPAY'S THE WAY

HEY DOES ANYBODY OUT THERE KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THIS NEW THING, "SPAY'S THE WAY"? BECAUSE I HEARD IT'S WHERE THE GOVERNMENT HATES ALL CATS AND DOGS AND WANTS TO BE SURE THAT WE DON'T GET PREGNANT.

I don't know about you, but I'm a highly educated feline with some real, true opinions on political topics. In fact, my favorite television channels are anything that has a News program. Nightly news, afternoon news, early morning news, I don't care what time it's on as long as I am learning about current events.

Well, I AM OUTRAGED because I heard Obama hates cats. This leads me to a new column I'm starting on my blog, called "MABEL'S STAMP OF DISAPPROVAL." That's a hashtag, too, if you want to help me make it go viral.

Spay's the Way? More like GUNPLAY I DARESAY, because you might as well just take us cats all out in the woods, dig a hole, dump some cat food in the hole and then, after we take a bite, blow our brains out with a shotgun. I, for one, am not going to take this treatment anymore. I have started a new nonprofit organization called More of Us to Love, and I even designed a logo:

Sorry this logo sucks. My free 30-day trial of Adobe ran out, and I simply do not have an extra $50/month to get the software on my computer. So it's back to free websites for me until I learn how to illegally download the pirated version. (ANYONE OUT THERE KNOW HOW TO DO THAT AND NOT GET CAUGHT?)

I guess it goes without saying that Spay's the Way gets my #STAMPOFDISAPPROVAL. If you want to know why this issue affects me so personally, keep reading.

When I was a little kitten (#tbt anyone?) ALL I WANTED TO DO WAS HAVE KITTENS. KITTENS, KITTENS AND MORE KITTENS. I freakin' love kittens. But one day I woke up from a nap with stiches in my belly and someone telling me I had been "spayed." Well I had to ask around on Facebook about what that even meant. Turns out it means that the vet hates me and made it so I can never have kittens. This is total BS.

Also, while I was getting spayed, I picked up a nasty cold and worms. That sucked too.

I did some more research and it turns out you CAN be UNSPAYED if you want to:

I think this Ross Grogan character is a doctor or scientist because he seems really smart.

However it's really risky and dangerous and you have to have your ovaries in storage in a cold place. I live in Kentucky, which is a tropical climate, and I have no idea where my ovaries are. I think that Mitch McConnell and Sarah Palin took them and ate them. So it looks like it might be the end of the road for me and I may never have kittens and I may have to get an ovary transplant which is hard to do and expensive, and I have no money because my quiz website clients haven't been paying their bills and this blog hasn't gone viral yet and my allowance is embarrassingly small.

SO ANYWAY I just wanted to let everybody know what Obama and his best friend Mitch McConnell have been up to, and warn you so that NONE OF YOU EVER VOTE FOR EITHER OF THEM, ESPECIALLY IF THEY ARE GOING HEAD TO HEAD WITH HILARY CLINTON OR ALISON LUNDERGAN GRIMES. All of these people support spaying and hate cats, and some of them won't even admit it.

SO IF YOU KNOW ANYTHING AND YOU'RE NOT AN IDIOT, YOU WON'T VOTE FOR ANY POLITICIAN SUPPORTING SPAY'S THE WAY. I vote online, but I certainly won't be voting for any of the jokers running this year. For anything.